


oh, anything at all

by runthemredlightsbabe



Series: pieces [7]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Flower Shop & Tattoo Parlor, Language of Flowers, M/M, i have never written something so sad in my entire life, yikes.net
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-16 20:14:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10578684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runthemredlightsbabe/pseuds/runthemredlightsbabe
Summary: In typical Kageyama style, he makes reference to Oikawa only once.“You’re fighting,” He says. The ‘you’ is implied.“We fought.”Kageyama pauses. And then insists, “You’re fighting.”Akaashi sighs. “Yes.”Kageyama is silent for so long that Akaashi wants to believe he’s forgotten about it.Nearly an hour later, though, ever-so-softly, almost under his breath, Kageyama asks, “Do you want me to go beat him up for you?”Akaashi laughs, but he feels sick. Kageyama is loyal loyal loyal, loyal to the bone, to the core, loyal to blood and muscle and soul. He has imprinted on Akaashi like a dog, and there he will stay, there he will die, at Akaashi’s side.(there are patterns forming here)Akaashi wonders how long it will take to break Kageyama’s heart.





	

**Author's Note:**

> My wonderful friend, [crowswillfly](http://crowswillfly.tumblr.com/) created a playlist for this series! You can listen to it on [youtube](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2UINVOA5TkdluzDa1oJ2RbL1SQR7psNp) or on [8tracks](https://8tracks.com/skihale/pieces) and you definitely should because she's a crazy whiz with music! 
> 
> A big shout-out to all of you who have been following these crows and flowers from the beginning. This story began, believe it or not, as something light-hearted and sweet, and it has turned into a monstrous mess of a beast about love, selfishness, and falling to pieces. It would not be here without you guys, so thank you so much for your constant support. I will never be able to explain how incredibly grateful I am. 
> 
> Title credit to "Gold" by Imagine Dragons

!!IMPORTANT!! There aren't any trigger-warnings per say, but there's a lot of self-destruction around the end of this. If you're worried, then maybe don't read past "it's been a long time since..." Keep yourselves safe!!!

___

So, Kageyama comes home.

He’s released from the hospital, and Akaashi thinks, while he’s signing off on a mountain-load of paperwork and a doctor with squinty mole-eyes takes too long to say anything at all, of some proverb he heard, or maybe it was written down. _There is no sign in the desert that says thou shalt not eat stones._

Then he thinks about the old stories, the original stories, remembers the giant creatures in the mountains who lived off stones. Stone-eaters.

Akaashi is a stone-eater. He feels them pile in his stomach like lies.

___

Kageyama walks a little hunched. He’s pale and thin and all under-toned, but he’s alright.

(He’s _alright_ , and Akaashi keeps that in his head. _Kageyama is okay_.)

Kageyama also complains. A lot. Apparently, he is in a great deal of pain.

“Fuck,” He says, stepping into the shower.

“Fuck!” He says, pulling on a shirt.

“ _Fuck_ ,” He says, tripping over Briefcase, who has since stationed himself in Kageyama’s room.

___

They stay at home for a whole week. A whole seven days spent readjusting. Akaashi remembers how to remember; Kageyama reminds him every day. Grumpy, angry, insolent, banging things around in the kitchen when he can’t find the _fucking coffee, Akaashi, what the fuck, what the fuck,_ sleeping with Akaashi because _that fucking rabbit is giving me a complex_ , waking up to shaking nightmares and clammy hands and blue eyes wide as the whole world. _I’m sorry, Akaashi._

Akaashi turns all the lights on.

He remembers. It’s not like he ever forgot, not really. But visiting a tiny room with wilted flowers is not the same as sleeping to his heartbeat.

 _My boy_ , It occurs to Akaashi one morning, like a strike of lightning, as Kageyama walks into his room with his shirt on backwards, holding two eggs in his hands and saying, with a frustrated sort of yell, _how do you make omelettes taste so good?_

And that’s that. Kageyama isn’t Akaashi’s son, not his brother, not his cousin. He is something else. He is family without a name. He’s….

he’s...

He’s Akaashi’s boy.

And that’s fine. That’s how that works.

Kageyama is Akaashi’s boy, and Akaashi has for him nothing but love, because he figures maybe this will be the one thing he’ll do right.

And it feels good. It feels good in a way Akaashi has forgotten, to be needed and loved and to love right back.

That’s how Kageyama learns to recover. That’s how Akaashi spends seven days. They are a good seven days. They are a great seven days. They are filled with love and Kageyama’s wracking laughter and blue eyes.

Akaashi remembers how terribly much he loves his boy.

And something inside him starts bleeding shadow.

___

It’s a week of waiting.

Akaashi does not go to work.

He does not see Tadashi. He does not see Noya.

They do not see him.

He gets a lot of calls, though. From Kenma and Yachi, mostly. A few from Tadashi. Two from Terushima. One very short message from Noya telling him that Tanaka Ryunosuke is going to jail and that they have not posted bail.

 _Saeko’s in pieces,_  He said, in a voice that sounded like a stranger. _I don’t know if you can do anything. But if you can._

He tells Kageyama that everything is fine, says that he’s working in short shifts late at night in order to readjust.

He answers other phone-calls and says he has work with the crows.

Kageyama believes him.

“Tell Terushima that if he thinks he can have my desk, he is deeply mistaken. I’ll kick his ass all the way to Okinawa, don’t think I won’t.”

(Tanaka Ryunosuke is released from jail.)

(Kageyama’s bills slide under the table.)

(can you see the patterns forming here?)

___

He doesn’t see Oikawa. But Iwaizumi appears at his doorstep with a bag of groceries on Wednesday and says, “This is killing him.”

And Iwaizumi had always been Akaashi’s favorite, because he’d always been there for Oikawa. It made Akaashi feel safer, leaving in the middle of the night, thinking that if he didn't make it back, at least Oikawa wouldn't be alone. He'd have Iwaizumi. It would be okay, because Iwaizumi would protect him.

In this moment, though, he hates Iwaizumi.

“Doesn’t it bother you?” Akaashi says, and the cruelty tastes like bloody lead between his teeth. “That he won’t ever love you?”

And Iwaizumi looks at him. Steady, not shocked. Hurt, though not especially surprised.

“Fuck you, Akaashi Keiji.”

It’s around then that the shadows get darker and Akaashi starts feeling… off. The stones get heavy, and every time Kageyama looks at him with loyal blue eyes, he feels like he should be hung for treason.

He tries to ignore it.

He stops sleeping anyway, and wonders how long he can keep this going. 

___

Akaashi can keep this going for seven days.

They watch Death Note and bits of Naruto and Durarara and all of Blue Exorcist. Kageyama grows back into his skin again, stops taking two white pills every four hours on the hour and starts sleeping through the night. He wakes up early, stretches for an hour, and tries to make Akaashi breakfast. Keiji gets used to the taste of overcooked miso.

Kageyama doesn’t ask a lot of questions. He hasn’t ever, not even when they were learning to be family. It’s equal parts horribly frustrating and a fucking relief.

In typical Kageyama style, he makes reference to Oikawa only once.

“You’re fighting."

“We fought.”

Kageyama pauses. And then insists, “You’re fighting.”

Akaashi sighs. “Yes.”

Kageyama is silent for so long that Akaashi wants to believe he’s forgotten about it.

Nearly an hour later, though, ever-so-softly, almost under his breath, Kageyama asks, “Do you want me to go beat him up for you?”

Akaashi laughs and feels sick. Kageyama is loyal loyal loyal, loyal to the bone, to the core, loyal to blood and muscle and soul. He has imprinted on Akaashi like a dog, and there he will stay, there he will die, at Akaashi’s side.

Akaashi wonders how long it will take to break Kageyama’s heart.

(can you see the patterns forming here?)

___

It takes exactly seven days.

It’s not like Akaashi forgot about Hinata. It is… physically impossible to forget Hinata. Bright, centered, like a flame.

Akaashi met Hinata a few weeks after taking Kageyama under his wing, though not… not quite the way one would expect, because Kageyama had been more-or-less hiding him. Tiny, shaking, scared Hinata, hiding him in his bedroom under a pile of blankets in his closet like a secret pile of stones. Akaashi hadn’t known quite how to react when he’d come home one day to find a strange boy in clothes three times his size watching reruns of an American cooking show.

But then Hinata Shouyou had introduced himself and Kageyama had looked sick to his stomach, and Akaashi had thought, _oh._

 _“If he goes, I go,_ ” Kageyama had said. _“I won’t leave him.”_

So Akaashi had called Oikawa.

They are bonded, Hinata and Kageyama, tied together with meters of red thread, and that’s that, that’s just as simple and easy as it is. They exist in the same space.

And that’s essentially how Kageyama knows about Oikawa, that’s how Kageyama probably knows a lot of stuff.

Through Hinata.

Hinata and his boyfriend.

So it’s not like Akaashi forgets about Hinata. It’s more like he… forgets to worry about it.

Unfortunate mistakes.

Akaashi eats stones.

They sit like unfortunate mistakes.

___

The conversation does not go well.

Hinata is there.

“You _lied_ ,” Kageyama says. His blue eyes are wide as the whole world.

“I’m sorry.”

“You said you’ve been going to work.”

“Yes.”

“You _lied._ ”

“Yes.”

Kageyama doesn’t ask a lot of questions.

“Where did you _go_? When you didn’t go to work, where- where did you go?”

Akaashi swallows stones.

He tells lies.

“Nowhere.”

“Liar,” Kageyama whispers. “You _liar_.”

“I’m sorry.”

Kageyama gets angry at Akaashi.

Like Tadashi. Like Noya. Like Oikawa.

He yells.

But it’s...

It’s a different sort of yell.

(can you see them, yet?)

“You can’t do this to yourself, Akaashi,” He says. He is frantic, manic, scared. He shakes, and his skin is white and his eyes are dark, and he’s so lovely, and Akaashi is numb numb numb. “You can’t! Akaashi, listen to me! Akaashi, look at me! You’re killing yourself! Akaashi, I can’t lose you. I won’t lose you, don’t you understand? I can’t! I won’t lose you. I won’t, I won’t, I won’t. You’re tearing your life apart! Don’t you see it? Don’t you? You’re- you don’t have to do it alone! You can’t do it alone; Akaashi you’re _dying_ , you are _dying_. I can’t be alone again, Akaashi, you can’t make me give you up. I won’t! I won’t give up on you!”

“I’m sorry, Kageyama.”

He realizes.

He realizes in between Kageyama’s scream of panic and frustration. He realizes that Kageyama will follow him to the end. He will die like a dog at Akaashi’s side, because he is Loyal. He will destroy himself, turn his world to ruins without a breath. Akaashi knows this, he looks at Hinata, who stands like embers and looks back at him with dark eyes. Angry eyes. A silent, angry sentinel.

Akaashi looks at Hinata and understands.

There are patterns, here. Here, carved into this burial ground. There are patterns.

There won’t be a happy ending for Akaashi.

There can be a happy ending for Kageyama.

So Akaashi does what Oikawa didn’t.

He looks at Hinata. Hinata looks back, and in his angry, silent, sentinel eyes, there is a flash.

Comprehension.

_Keep him safe._

“I need to go,” Akaashi says.

Kageyama’s heart breaks on the count of three, and his eyes turn a whole new kind of terrified.

“No,” He breathes. He reaches. “Akaashi, no. You can’t! Akaashi! Akaashi, you can’t leave.” Hinata grabs Kageyama, pulls him to the ground, wraps his tiny, strong arms around his best friend’s neck.

“Akaashi!” Kageyama screams, sobs, struggles. “Akaashi, please. Please don’t leave me, I can’t be alone, Akaashi, I need you. I need you! Please come back, please, I’m sorry, I love you, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, _A- Akaashi!”_

He makes a choice.

(can you see them?)

“Don’t do this, don’t, Akaashi you said you would protect me, Akaashi, I need you!”

He makes...

“No! No! I want to come with you, let me come with you, please, don’t leave me alone, Akaashi, I’m sorry, Akaashi, _I’m sorry! Please!_ ”

He...

“I’m sorry, Kageyama,” He whispers, and opens the door.

Kageyama’s broken wail follows Akaashi into his nightmares.

(these are the patterns that form here)

___

It’s been a long time since Akaashi called Eddie.

“Hey, sugarplum. How’s it going?”

“Do you have something for me?” He thinks his voice sounds like ashes and glass. Salt.

“No, honey, it’s your day off,” Eddie laughs. “You losing track of the time?”

“I don’t care about my day off. I need a job.” A job, a night, a palm full of pain. A way to forget.

“What, you low on money or something?”

“No. I'm... paying my dues.”

There’s a bit of a surprised pause.

Akaashi checks that the line hasn’t cut off. “Eddie-san?”

“I’m here. Alright, Akaashi-kun. I’ll find something.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t bother. Don’t push yourself too much, though, yeah? We can’t lose our diamond in the rough.”

"Don’t count on it."

Akaashi hangs up.

___

Eddie doesn’t disappoint.

They throw him around, push him up against the bathroom sink so hard that bruises bloom on his spine. They wrap their fingers around his neck, choke him until he can’t breathe, until everything goes black to red to violent purple. Until he can’t breathe, until there is this horrible, wonderful, blissful nothing in his lungs, this terrible emptiness, it spills like poison in his mouth. The agony in his chest…

_Akaashi, you can’t make me give you up. I won’t! I won’t give up on you!_

It doesn’t go away.

_Don’t do this, don’t, Akaashi you said you would protect me, Akaashi!_

It’s replaced with bite marks and fists and blood that patterns his thighs, his lips, his ribs, like petals. They crush his chest, stick things in his skin, yank at his hair and bend his arms back. They twist his skin, fit their fingers to his thighs. There is pain everywhere, there is pain, and then there is pleasure, for a few brief seconds, Akaashi loses himself.

_Please don’t leave me, I can’t be alone, Akaashi, I need you. I need you!_

He feels something crack and hopes it's his fucking spine. 

**Author's Note:**

> i am going to hell. 
> 
> come yell at me on [tumblr](http://iamtherabbitwhisperer.tumblr.com/).


End file.
